Kids and affirmations

My son has been having a tough time transitioning into his new school in London.  On top of the whole new school, new city, new country, and leaving his best friend behind thing, he suffered largely for being the age he is (compared to his older or his younger sister) because the curriculum just didn't match up for his level and he found himself hopelessly behind.  I use the word hopelessly because I know that is how he felt, and at times we felt that too.

We knew he was very smart and certainly had the ability to catch up and get back to feeling like the smart kid.  I also knew, however, that if he couldn't convince himself of that, he may never get there.  I knew the way this situation influenced his self perception was crucial.

Despite a lot of effort on the part of me and his father, and even the teachers, my son started falling even further behind and started "hating" school.  He said that often: "I hate school."  He is only 7 - that is pretty darn early to hate school.

I decided to try a little expirment with him.  I talked to him in terms he could understand about creating his own reality.  I said: "If you say to yourself you hate school, and go in with that feeling, then you will act grumpy at school.  When you act grumpy at school, the kids won't want to play with you and the teachers will be cross with you.  This will only make you hate school even more.  You will pay attention less in school because you are feeling so bad about it, which will make it harder to do your homework.  When you aren't doing your homework well, you will frustrate your mommy and daddy who are trying to help you, and we will all get cranky.  You will do worse on your tests and we will all feel disappointed, and you will hate school even more because it makes you feel like a failure."

"Do you see how saying how much you hate school will really make you hate school?"

I am not sure how much he got it, but the next day or so I heard him saying to his sister "I love school.  Do you love school?"  Of course she said, "No, you are crazy."  Then he said again "I love shool.  I am sad tomorrow is Saturday, I wish we had school on Saturday!"  Believe it or not, I didn't get at that moment he was trying out the stuff I told him.  But I thought about it later, and I was really proud and impressed that he was actually giving it a real go of it.

Of course within a few days he wasn't saying that out loud anymore, but I do believe that was sort of a turning point.  He seems much happier at school and is doing a lot better.  That isn't to say it is all smooth sailing and that he loves his situation and will catch up in lightening speed.  I do, however, think perhaps this little expiriment had a real impact on him, and perhaps he will remember this and use it when he faces some real negativity in the future.  If I can keep it up, I will be helping my children in this vein often, and just maybe when they are young adults and facing the really tough stuff, they will have the framework to make their perspectives work for them instead of against them.