Drilling Down into Children's Self Talk

My oldest daughter is just like me. I don't just mean she looks like me or likes the same things; she THINKS EXACTLY like me. So much so it is scary - and annoying.  I know almost exactly what she is thinking and what she is doing at every turn.  I am on to her manipulations, bad moods, questions and assertions before she even knows herself.  I am sure it pisses her off too - she can hardly get away with anything around me.

It also scares me because I know how prone to depression I am and how my own inquisitive, intuitive, insightful, and analytical ways have not always served me well. They say that depressed people often have a firmer grip on reality and the way things are than most - and I would say that has been true of me and will likely be true of her.

But I don't want her to be depressed!  I want to do everything I can to start her down a path of emotional health and well-being now so she doesn't have to fall prey to her own mind.

Whereas I can plant little affirmations in my son's head without him questioning me much, my daughter has to challenge everything I suggest to her. "It isn't logical to say you love school when you don't."  "It doesn't make sense to say you are going to have a great day when you know your siblings are going to ruin it by fighting with you and getting in your way!"  "I kinda like feeling angry - why should I do all this stuff not too?"

I am sure it is hard for most adults to really buy the tenets of the Law of Attraction - try selling it to an insightful, logical kid who hasn't really suffered the school of hard knocks yet!  Many adults who have been banged up and bruised by life are willing to try anything if it can pull them out of their rut. How do you get a kid to buy into the need before they run themselves down the dark alleys and dead-ends of life?

I find that I really need to deconstruct the whole thing for her, just like I need myself.  If something goes really bad for her, I have been trying to help her work backwards and drill down into the thoughts she may have had that led events down the wrong path.  She can go with this, because it takes the analytical approach she loves.  If I can get her to admit the trash talking she has been doing to herself, she starts to see that perhaps I am making sense.  If I can get her that far, she just about lets me talk her into saying a positive affirmation that might work in her favor.

For example, the other day the whole family was happily making Valentines for each other and everyone was in great form.  All of a sudden, out of no where, my daughter got horribly cranky and started being mean to just about everyone.  Soon everyone was fighting and she ended up with a big, long time-out.  After battling against us all evening long, I was finally able to get her to calm down and discuss what happened.  Now, to me it was obvious. Somewhere along the line she said to herself "its not fair!"  Either she didn't get the best Valentine, didn't get to use the best materials, or heard me praise another child and she assumed (as she always does) that this meant her work was less praise-worthy. "It's not fair" is a classic, and it sends her reeling everytime.

With some very gentle prodding and suggesting, she finally came to this on her own.  The she insisted "well, it wasn't fair!"  She would rather hang onto this truth of hers than have a happier day and a family that is contented most of the time.  However, this time I was able to get her to say to herself that there was enough Valentine supplies and happy thoughts to go around, and that she loved the work she did.

Within minutes her demeanor changed, she softened and was ready to get along with everyone again.

I can only hope that eventually she will be able to see how her thoughts can cause her to feel bad and how the vicious cycle starts from there.  I'll keep you posted to our progress!